What Do You Do When Your Spouse Just Isn’t That Into You?

Unfortunately, everyone that is married and holds the title of husband or wife isn’t experiencing the “love” that is supposed to come from marriage.  Many individuals are suffering from loveless marriages, marriages in which neither spouse shows love to the other or ones in which one spouse shows love but that love is not returned.  Today I’d like to focus on the latter.  What is a spouse to do when the one they love just isn’t that into them?


Just recently I had the privilege of coming in contact with a dear sister who was experiencing this very issue.  She was “stuck” in a marriage in which the feelings she had for her spouse were not mutual.  As you can imagine this left her in a very uncomfortable position as she contemplated what her next moves should be.


Now this situation was not unique to her.  Many women and men have somehow found themselves in this exact situation.  I have heard numerous testimonies from couples who have experienced and conquered this very issue.  Below I’d like to share some of the principles they relied upon to experience their victory in Christ.  Keep in mind the victory didn’t always come immediately but it did come, in God’s time and in His way.


  1. Give Your Situation to God.  Carrying the weight of trying to a fix a marriage in which one spouse has checked out is a burden that God doesn’t intend for anyone to bear.  This is why He tells us to cast all of our cares upon Him (1 Peter 5:7).
  2. Focus on You. It’s so easy to get caught up in how your spouse is making you feel, but how are you making them feel?  Are you doing everything in your power to be the spouse God expects you to be?  Are you showing them the love you want to receive?  At the end of the day God holds you accountable for how you treat your spouse not on how they treat you.  So focus your energy and efforts on being a spouse that God can be proud of.
  3. Ask God to Fill Your Void. Who doesn’t want to be deeply loved by their spouse?  It’s a natural desire that comes with the marriage relationship.  Yet when that love is gone it’s easy for one to feel empty inside.  God understands this and desires to fill the void your heart now feels.  He desires to truly be everything you need.
  4. Don’t Try To Force Them To Love You. This approach will never work.  You can’t force somebody to have feelings for you.  This is something you must give over to God.  He is the one who has the power to soften and change hearts.  Your only duty is to pray.  Sincerely ask God to remove the heart of stone your spouse has developed toward you and replace it with a heart of love.  Trust Him, He can do it.
  5. Be Patient. You must recognize that God has the power to change your spouse’s heart however this may or may not happen on your time table, so chill.  In 1st Corinthians 13, the Bible tells us that love suffers long.  Therefore, if we are truly going to be like Christ and exhibit the type of love that He shows us daily, we must learn to be patient with our spouses.  The truth is it may take years for the love to be rekindled, so be patient.


The most extraordinary marriages are often ones that have experienced periods where the love was gone.  Yet, through the power of God and a committed spouse God was able to change that loveless marriage into something awesome.  If you are currently in a loveless period in your marriage journey, seek the Lord with all of your heart and depend upon Him to do the impossible.


If you’ve been in a loveless marriage and now have the testimony of victory please share with our readers your experience.  Remember we overcome by our testimony!  Also remember to subscribe and share this post with a friend.


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